Norris loves cookies.
Norris is a 36 pound brindle whippet who will do utterly anything for food. Norris is harmless. However, as a powerful whippet, Norris’s vertical jump would make basketball players jealous.
When I stay with Sara on a show weekend, we often order Chinese from her favorite place. It’s typically the same gentleman who delivers the food – a little bit older man with a true fondness for dogs. He carries treats in his pockets anytime he delivers and the dogs love him. When I am staying, he always counts the extra dogs to make sure they get a treat, too. And, his treats are not tiny little pocket sized training treats; they are full size dog bone shaped biscuits.
Norris loves Sam, the Chinese delivery man. Sam is his idol – he gives cookies without requiring anything in return.
One night we are simply too lazy to go out and ordered the usual takeout. They said it would be there in 40 minutes, but like all good take out places, they overestimate the time so they look like heroes when it arrives early. So, 15 minutes later, before we had any of the doggie hoodlums corralled in anticipation, the doorbell rings. I grab a couple of collars, Sara grabs a couple of collars, but as the door opens, Norris breaks out of Sara’s grasp and is all over the delivery man.
The problem is that it is not Sam. Norris goes immediately into ultimate cookie seeking mode. He’s jumping chin height to reach the breast pocket that holds the treats. Not being a particularly observant dog when distracted by the thought of food, it makes no difference to him that this is a completely different person. Instead of leaping without any manners or control whatsoever on Sam, the man who loves dogs and plans ahead for them with treats, he is assaulting a small statured man of Chinese heritage by slamming his nose into the man’s breastbone. The man’s communication skill with the English language is marginal. He is completely appalled by the ferocious looking 36 pound cookie monster attacking and his defensive moves are hampered by the bag of food.
Sara is horrified and alarmed the man thinks he is being attacked in earnest. She launches into an OMG state and is spewing comforting words out at a speed I can barely comprehend and I’ve spoken English a long time. “He’s friendly-he’s friendly-he’s friendly. Norris-Norris-Norris. I’m sorry-so sorry-so sorry-so sorry, Norris-Norris-Norris. The other man brings treats. Norris loves treats. Norris-Norris-Norris-Norris.
The man freezes, torn between self preservation and his duty to deliver food and collect payment. Norris is confused and in his bewilderment at the lack of treats, allows himself to be dragged back into the house, cookieless. We quickly pay for the meal and heave a sigh of relief at no damage done.
I can only imagine his thoughts as he drove away. It probably sounds beautiful in the formal and elegant Chinese language, but the best I can do is paraphrase what he most likely said in his less than stellar English. “No next time this house. Clazy ladies, TWO clazy ladies. Too many dog. Hungry dog. Hungry CLAZY dog. Dog jump too high. Paws on coat. Never deliver again. Only Sam. Sam go there. Clazy, clazy ladies with too many dog. JUST CLAZY.